Police were all of a hoo-har this afternoon when it was revealed that an escaped prisoner they had been searching for over a year, had been living in a Royal Mail post box barely 200 hundred yards from Stratford upon Avon’s police station.
Albert Thug, who was originally imprisoned for extremely nasty behaviour, handed himself in today but not before he popped into The Stratfordian office for an interview. Asked by this reporter why he was giving himself up, Mr Thug said,
‘I couldn’t take it no more. It was cramped, cold and I was constantly disturbed by idiots posting their mail. The best thing was I always had something to read.
I also had to keep my wits about me, always aware what time I should vacate the box so that the postie could collect the mail. I couldn’t leave any clues. This meant, hoovering and collecting my excrement on a daily basis. No stone was left unturned. I would watch from a distance. When the mail had been collected, I usually waited until dusk to climb back in. It was tough and cramped’.