Disgusted of Stratford,  farting around,  local,  lockdown,  personal

Unfortunate side effects

unfortunate side effects, Unfortunate side effects, I think one of the more unfortunate side effects of this perpetual lockdown is its ability to drain one of…well…everything. My energy levels are low. My imagination is shot and I am having difficulty tying my own shoelaces. There appear no drugs known to man that might remedy this malaise and desperate measures like mindfulness and meditation appear ineffective. We are my brethren, lost and well and truly in the wilderness. Speaking only for myself…

I have lost my mojo.

Something is afoot. Although I have not (not quite) lost the will to live and there is still something in me that wants to offer at least some kind of resistance, no matter how weak, I have become dull and boring. To rise in the morning has become an effort. The brainpower required to drag this sorry specimen out of bed empties me and I need to return to the mattress to recover. It is an endless cycle. And talking of cycles, mine lies unused and rusting in the shed.

Another unfortunate side effect that I have become sadly aware of concerns what I once thought of as a gift. My once scintillating conversation has become droll and repetitious. It is now not uncommon for my once enthralled and avid listeners to be lulled into a light coma at the first sound of my voice. My grandchildren feign immediate sleep as soon as I begin a bedtime story. The list is endless.

The cavernous and rich sound that was my heart beating is now a dull thud in my once expansive chest. I am, dear reader, slipping away and unless the lockdown ends soon, I fear for all of us.

Even though I live in a particular part of the UK that is said to be beautiful, I can no longer see it. Nature’s colours are dull, the river runs like sludge and wildlife is making so much noise, that I want to take a gun to it. And where are the bees?

I am not the man I used to be.

Once stunningly attractive to the opposite sex I now find myself the subject of derision and avoidance as though a carrier of the plague, (which in these dark days is quite possible), or possibly The Elephant Man’s long-lost brother.

Shopkeepers slam their doors shut and emphasise the ‘Closed’ sign upon my approach and schools won’t let the children end their educational day until I have passed. It would not surprise me to find out that there was a poster of me on each classroom wall, under a sign saying ‘BEWARE’. All in all, I feel as though I am getting a rum deal (as my mother used to say).

When will this all end?

Or is this it? Is this how I/we must learn to be? Is this the New Now?  Are Charles Darwin’s theories on Evolution coming to pass? Are we at a much faster pace than expected to be replaced by a new breed of human? One that no longer laughs or sings or dances? One who can adapt easily to the pointlessness of a plague-ridden society?

Have we already begun to adapt to our new circumstances…perish the thought but are we evolving to cope with our new and terrifying situation?

As we know, something happened to the dinosaurs, maybe it is our turn now?

Thanks for your point of view. Much appreciated.

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