As told to The Stratfordian. By Police Constable ‘Ronnie’ Ronald.
‘I was proceeding along the High Street in an orderly manner when I noted a strange sight on the opposite pavement. I saw a large gentleman (the gentleman in question) clad in what I can only describe as what is commonly known as, ‘fancy dress’. In this case, a striped long-sleeved sweater, black trousers and carrying a sack clearly labelled as ‘Swag’. This costume was topped off by what I would call a ‘Lone Ranger Type mask.
Initially amused I was inclined to smile and wave a greeting at the male in question. My acknowledgement was not returned but I was not that bothered as I know some people have a natural aversion to the police. However, it was when I heard a metallic clanking sound coming from within the bag marked ‘Swag’ that my suspicions were aroused.
I immediately ordered the man to stop his progress down the High Street which he did without any protest except the muttered words…’Fair cop officer…you got me fair and square. I would ask however, that you treat me with the respect a traditional thief and burglar deserves’.
Upon a search of the contents of the bag marked ‘Swag’ I came upon candlesticks and other paraphernalia that obviously belonged to a religious establishment, most likely the nearby Catholic Church.
The man was arrested and taken to the Bridewell where he was charged with theft. He will be up before the beak sometime this year’.