‘Sulphuric fumes and lava leaking into Stratford Streets from Underworld’, says ex-mayor

By | 20th October 2019

Ex-Mayor Cereal O’Hanaranaranaran warned today that…

‘Unless the flow of sulphur and lava from the cracks in the town’s broken pavements is stopped, there are dark days ahead for Stratford upon Avon’.

Standing outside Elizabeth House ex-mayor O’Hanaranaranaran was joined in his protest by Mr Harold Hazzard (109). Mr Hazzard, who claims to have tripped on Stratford’s uneven pavements every day for the past three years said…

‘Things have grown from bad to worse with all manner of inner earth substances, in this case sulphur and lava seeping from the cracks. The smell is vile and sometimes the slabs are so hot they melt the soles of your shoes’.

Ex-Mayor O’Hanaranaranaran continuing by warning that he believed that the present and worsening turbulence from below, ‘was a sign that the Gods were angry and when that happens we had better watch out’.

Mr Hazzard refused to comment on the ex-mayors theory adding that ‘all he (Mr Hazzard) wanted was his compensation and a new pair of shoes’.

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