Signatures increase to remove ‘obscene’ riverside bollards

By The Stratfordian | January 29, 2020

President of the Clear Up Nasty Things Swiftly group, Amelia Swann, announced today at a hastily convened press conference

‘that the group was a hundred signatures short of one thousand. The number the group believes the town council should begin to ‘sit up and take notice of our protests’.



The subject of the groups anger are the bollards atop the steps that lead to the much-used and popular amongst tourists, chain ferry. (See pictures).

Ms Swann went on to say…

‘I don’t know why we are having so much difficulty getting people around to our way of thinking. The number of elderly women who have swooned at the mere sight of these obscene structures grows every year and still nothing is done. What is it going to take for action to be taken, a heart attack? A death even? I can’t walk home that route anymore without coming over all queer. If the Town Council aren’t willing to remove these suggestive, disgusting monuments to Sodom and Gomorrah then I’m afraid we will take matters into our own hands’.


The bollards in question

At time of going to press the Town Council were unavailable for comment.


One thought on “Signatures increase to remove ‘obscene’ riverside bollards

  1. swharro

    This elderly woman thinks that they look more like Lego pieces

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