The Stratfordian

False or True, it's up to you

tHEATRE nEWS

SHAKESPEARE DEAD

The theatre world was rocked tonight by the news that William Shakespeare is dead.

An urgent statement released by the Royal Shakespeare Theatre begins…

‘…although we have been showcasing William’s work for a number of years now we had no idea that the playwright had passed (sometime ago), or was even ill. We were under the impression that he was alive and well and living in Surrey’.

The RSC spokesperson continued

‘…we must admit that during our dealings with Mr Shakespeare’s representatives, we (the RSC) had wondered on a number of occasions why we had not received any new work from such an esteemed writer. We wrongly assumed it was due to his great age. We would, at this sad time like to make it clear to all our customers that until such time we receive new information we intend to keep the gravy train on the rails. We would also like to send our heart-felt condolences to his wife Anne and other members of his family’.

Stalwart theatregoer Mr Rodney Beaming, told The Stratfordian of his great personal shock at the sad news and that…

‘his wife Marjorie was so beside herself with grief, she had taken to her bed almost immediately’.

Mr Beaming continued…

‘The news has affected Marjorie more than usual as she has been writing to Mr Shakespeare on a weekly basis and although never receiving a direct reply she was under the impression that a visit from the great man was imminent’.

Stratfordian header (with tea stain)

 

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