Rejected Shakespeare


Not many people know this.

Like the Bible and the Apocrypha, Shakespeare too had some work refused and removed from the Canon.

Below are a few excerpts from rejected Shakespeare.

‘The Furies’. Act II. Scene II ‘The duel’.

Masters Biggermost and Finn face each other swords drawn.

Master Finn:                       I shall burst thee and let the hot air free Master Biggermost. Beware. Withdraw. Apologise                                             you fat fool. Tis your last chance to retire home…and eat.

Master Biggermost:            I tire of waiting Finn. Talk is your skill not your swordplay. I had heard that words flow                                                     willy-nilly from your craven mouth and tis true.

Masters Biggermost & Finn have drawn a crowd of shouting citizens much amused by their cavorting.

Peasant:                          Tis more than a dance. Tis a jest set to amuse. Fight gentleman fight. The time for talk is                                                 surely over now…fight. The laughter is dying and your audience grow impatient and are                                                 tiring.

Master Finn:                   (To Biggermost) I shall stick you pig.

Master Biggermost:        And I also you bag of bones. There is hardly enough meat to pierce. Look on you, you                                                   rattling bone-bag.

Master Finn:                   And when you are punctured there shall be such passing of air that men shall cover their                                               ears.

Master Biggermost:       And the wind shall carry you away Finn. Like autumnal leaves what is left of you will fly.

As their swords clash both weapons fall to the floor each man holding his bleeding thumb.

Master Finn:                  Aaaagh…You have done for me Biggermost.

Master Biggermost:        And you sir have killed me…aaagh.


Scene II. Act I. ‘The Wastrel’

And lo.

The snaking tendrils of Winter

Doest appear without heed nor warning

To surprise and warn me well to dress to fit.


Brandon’s Lament from ‘Darkly lit night’.

Tis here that she led me my Lord.

Or there.

Or there?

Tis hither and whither

Mine eyes were clouded by her juices

And my senses befuddled by her scent.

In me she hath sown both confusion and malcontent.

Knowing I not which way to go but thither.

Take my hand my Lord

And leadeth me from this maelstrom

So that I might exact my revenge and tear upon her heart

And bring forth the tears that she dare not when with me.

‘Tasmin’s Lost Speech’ Act III. ‘Darkly Lit Night’.

I have no wish to linger here

There is mischief afoot.

There is a rustle in the undergrowth

That bodes me not well.

I am abandoned, lost and broken asunder.

There is no man as wretched as this forsaken soul.

I shall be surely eaten by the ravenous that make their homes here

I pray to my God that I shall not taste well.


Act I. Scene I. The Lover.

Mistress Golightly

If thou tickle me softly there

I shall not laugh but cry out with pleasure.