Notorious Stratford upon Avon Gangster released

By The Stratfordian | March 1, 2020

egg whiskNotorious Stratford upon Avon gangster Sidney ‘Sticky’ Wickett (82) was released from HMP Long Lartin prison today after serving 25 years for ‘severe naughtiness’ and ‘probably murder’.

Known for his trademark punishment of glue-ing his enemies’ eyelids into a permanent ‘open position’, and his chilling ‘battle cry’ of ‘nobody sleeps when I’m around’, Wickett was said to have been an ideal prisoner.

New Man.

Agreeing to talk to the Stratfordian on his release, Wickett said…

‘I am a reformed character and have learnt my lesson. Whilst doing my bird on A Block I became engrossed in the art of making small models and in doing so found my true calling. Thankfully, I have enough put away to open up a small model shop. I can afford to stock it with small model kits and loads of glue which is just what I need to help me spend a quiet retirement. I will be employing one or two of my old associates including Jimmy ‘The Crab’ Essex and my ex-partner Melanie ‘Not me guv’ Marvel. By coincidence these two have also changed their ways and gone straight, except Jimmy who remains a committed homosexual, although you will not see him involved in anything illegal’.

Mr Wickett, whose long list of crimes includes the first ever documented charge of ‘assault by egg whisk’, said he has plans to write a book.

He revealed he is also in discussions with Disney Productions about a film of his colourful life.


it really helps if you leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.