The Stratfordian

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Town news

Masked man foils robbery on Bridge Street

Long-time friends Minnie Ripperton (94) and Alabaster Fontaine (90) were on their way home from a late-night pole dancing class when they were shocked to find their progress interrupted by an armed man.

Minnie takes up the story…

‘I remember it so clearly. We were in a good mood and having a little giggle about the evening’s pole dancing class as we headed toward the taxi rank on Bridge Street, when suddenly out of the darkened doorway of Boots came a foul-smelling man armed with what looked like a metallic egg whisk. He blocked our way and demanded money.

Alabaster fainted almost immediately while I stiffened my sinews determined not to give in.

Suddenly from above there came what I can only describe as a ‘swishing’ sound and between me and the robber appeared a man dressed all in black wearing a mask…you know, the sort with just eye-holes. He’d seen our predicament and leapt down from the rooftop with the aid of a rope. It was such a surprise to all of us, that the would-be robber ran off quickly and that was that.

The masked man refused to accept any payment for our rescue, mumbled something on the lines of ‘They call me Stratman’ and disappeared, limping off into the night. I say limping because I think he must have hurt himself jumping off the roof. Anyway, that’s when I called the police and an ambulance for Alabaster.’

Police Inspector William Large added…

‘While we appreciate the actions of this so-called ‘Stratman’ we would like to advise members of the public not to follow his example. Keeping the peace can be a dangerous job and without the specialist training needed, vigilantes such as ‘Stratman’ can be putting their own lives in danger.’

At the time of publication there have been no arrests and the identity of ‘Stratman’ remains a mystery.

 

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1 Comment

  1. swharro

    I’m so relieved that this Stratman is helping to defend unsuspecting Stratfordians from crime.

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