Landmine clearance almost complete on Bancroft say Council

By | 17th December 2019

‘Landmine clearance should be complete by the summer’ says leading Town Councillor.

soldierDespite a spate of vicious rumours to the contrary, The Stratfordian has been assured by *Lt Col Sir Henry Gammon head of the 5th Stratford Ordinance Brigade that…

‘almost all of the mistakenly placed landmines dug into the flower beds on the Bancroft, have now been detected and removed’.

Sir Henry went on to apologise…

‘for the dreadful mistakes made by the recently reformed Home & Town Guard during recent exercise ‘Defending Stratford’.

He assured the Stratfordian that…

‘those responsible have been severely disciplined and ceremonially beaten …’

A spokesperson for the Town Council added…

‘Such mistakes COULD NOT and WILL NOT happen again. Although the reformation of the Home & Town Guard itself might have been made in haste, the decision to recruit was the right one and will eventually carry on. It is essential now especially while Boris’ new government is in the process of clearing out Johnny Foreigner. Mr Johnson will need all the help he can get and we want him and General Zahawi, to know that Stratford upon Avon will be in the forefront of any decision the new government makes, heart and soul’.

*Although Sir Henry offered his resignation, we understand that his offer had been rejected at the time of publication.

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