separationThese are testing times.  The dreaded virus, Covid 19 has presented us with all sorts of challenges that we haven’t really faced before. Nothing is normal and one of the biggest challenges we face is ‘How to Live in Close Proximity with your Partner and stay Safe’.

Even time itself is misbehaving, one might even say that it too is ‘infected’. The clock ticks but doesn’t seem to move. Repetition rules. Variety is all used up. God knows how many times I have walked up the stairs backward just for a change. The Grand-kids thought it was funny the first time but now they don’t laugh anymore, instead they wonder out loud, ‘Why is Grand-dad still alive?’

I digress.

The main problem we are having and I pull no punches here…

…’is how in lock-down do we refrain from killing our partner of many years’.

[Although I will say at this point, that if you have been together for, shall we say, over 25 years? You should be well-versed in the art of ‘keeping out of each-other’s way]’.

Anyway, if you are experiencing the problem of, and I put it politely, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ here are a few ‘DO’S & DON’T’S that might help, but I doubt it.

  1. The old prominently male standby of ‘going to the pub’ is of course now out of the question. You could of course, ‘Drink at Home’. However, experience tells us that this may not be a good idea. Alcohol has a way of er… heightening the senses and making things seem worse than they are. Except, even that doesn’t stand up anymore. ‘Things’ actually and in reality, can’t get any worse. Anyway. What I’m saying here is, STAY AWAY FROM THE DRINK. One drunk is bad enough…two could be the end of your world.
  2. DO NOT MAKE TELEPHONE CALLS TO FRIENDS OR PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE CLOSE TO. (within earshot of your partner). We must remember that during this crisis our senses are on a knife edge. The ‘wrong word’ to a person on the end of the phone is easily misconstrued. For instance: ‘He’s really been getting on my nerves. He can’t keep still, continually scratching himself and licking his bottom….’ . Now to most of us it’s obvious that (let’s assume it’s the female on the phone), she’s referring to the dog. Unfortunately, the male partner already mightily stressed because, shall we say, there’s no football on the TV or hasn’t had a decent nap for what seems an age, can understandably think that this is a reference to him and his habits and…well to put it gently, all hell has a possibility of breaking loose.
  3. This where the term ‘SOFT FURNISHING’ comes into its own. Basically, remove anything that IS NOT soft furnishing. Vases. Pictures (in a frame). Phones (both mobile and Landline). In short anything that is constructed of a hard and solid material. Admittedly a rare occurrence, small animals might be best stored in a neutral area as it has been known for them (sadly) to be used in a hostile manner (thrown).
  4. DO NOT BE PRESENT IN THE KITCHEN BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. This is obvious so I won’t say too much about it. The Kitchen is a dangerous place to be when emotions are running high. The presence of sharp objects, heavy bags of sugar, pasta etc and the danger of hot or boiling liquids offer too much temptation to do harm. SO…it goes without saying…AVOID THE KITCHEN AT ALL COSTS.
  5. IF A SHED OR OUTHOUSE IS AVAILABLE…USE IT. I realise of course the issue of who goes where is a problem in itself, so I would suggest ‘drawing the short straw’ as a method of deciding. However, one word of caution. Whilst undertaking this ancient method of ‘deciding’, Wear Eye Protection. Sunglasses, a visor of some sort will suffice, as a poke in the eye with a piece of straw wielded by an angry partner is not, no matter how hard your partner may laugh, a fun thing and could require surgery

So, there we are. A few tips that show you How to Live in Close Proximity with your Partner and stay Safe although as I say above, I doubt it. Good Luck.


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