how to bunker down good

So here we all are, actually, really (but not literally) in the same boat. Except it’s not the mighty ocean and indifferent winds that we have to contend with, it’s ourselves and our enforced and collective desire that if we have to bunker down, let’s make sure we know how to bunker down good.

We, whether we like it or not have been all ordered to ‘Bunker Down’ or to put it another way, ‘Stay at Home’. At the moment, we are free (ish) to take it or leave it and thankfully most of us are taking it. Unfortunately, there are some idiots around who think they are somehow immune to the virus and it will be them who we can blame when we are ordered to, ‘Bunker Down by Law’.

I’m afraid that judging by the  ‘how’s it going so far,  test? We are doomed. And it won’t be long before we are gazing at the four walls (if we’re lucky) of our regular abodes, 24/7.

So, how do we cope?

How, to put it bluntly, do we stop from going mad and quite possibly killing our loved ones?

There is I think, one major rule.

ROUTINE.

We must stick to a routine. If we don’t have one, (or didn’t, even when life was normal), make one up.

But before you do that, note one thing. Time no longer exists in its normal fashion. Night and Day no longer matter.

You may have noticed that the virus has not only messed with us, it has altered the very fabric of time (as they say in Star Trek). The Space Time Continuum is not what it was.  If it were not for the Sun doing what it usually does, the difference between day and night would be lost to us.

Therefore, we must, at all costs fight to regain control. And to do this we need to take notice of our clocks and perhaps more importantly, our alarms.

SET ALARMS.

The first sign that something is wrong and that we are slipping albeit casually towards the abyss, is when we begin getting up at late. That moment when we feel that it doesn’t really matter what time we rise because we have nothing to do is the danger sign. FIGHT IT. DO NOT LANGUISH.

The fact of the matter is that this is your life and the virus works in many different ways to infiltrate. One of its lines of attack is to sow confusion and a false sense of security. Fall for it and it won’t be long before you don’t get up at all. Not even to eat. You will fade away. And if the virus has spread far and wide no-one, because they are infected also, will even notice your absence.SO,GET UP THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY.

EAT ON TIME.

YOU MUST EAT regularly. Three meals a day are recommended. Mark out breakfast as the most important meal of the day. Not necessarily because of the healthy options on offer but the very fact that to eat breakfast means you have to get up to make it. ONCE UP. STAY UP.

DO NOT POTTER.

There is nothing worse than pottering especially, aimlessly. For instance: Moving ornaments around is probably the most serious sign that something is very wrong, especially if after a day or two said ornaments are back in the place where they started.

Reading is a great counter to pottering.

If you, as you most certainly will at some time in your incarceration, have read everything in your household then writing is the alternative occupation.

KEEP A DIARY. However, do not make the mistake of thinking that anyone will be interested in the contents of your journal. DO NOT attempt to read it out aloud to what you think will be interested listeners.

Another way to pass the time is to experiment with your appearance.

Spending time in front of the mirror will not, mark my words be in any way especially in these troubled times be seen as vanity, more of a ‘taking an interest in yourself’’.

Explore hairstyles.

Go bald. As you are no longer ‘out and about’ and therefore free from ridicule give yourself the hairstyle you have always wanted but always been afraid to ask your barber for. I refer of course to the ever-popular but rarely seen, ‘Mohican’.

Grow a beard or moustache.

Dye your hair.

The permutations (see what I did there?) are endless.

And Finally. A word of warning. 

Stay away from board games.

Always touted in troubled times, board games are the major source of much irritation, argument and in some cases, homicide. Especially the so-called ‘old favourites’, monopoly and scrabble. Stress regularlys ensue during the playing of these games due to their competitive nature from the first throw of the dice, to the ‘discussion’ over whether the word ‘bibble’ really exists.

So there you are. How to Bunker Down Good.

These are just a few of The Stratfordian’s Tips to staying safe during times of great hardship. I hope they are of some use during these dark times.

If you would like to add anything please use the comments box below or drop me an email to thestratfordian@outlook.com.

Peace & Stay Safe x

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