Guest Post from Mavis Blotte – Breaking news.

NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAY (A guest Post from Mavis Blotte).

June 21st is about to be declared a new National Holiday!

Lots of suggestions have been made as to its title ‘Finally Freedom Day ’ ‘Covid Countdown Day,’ and ‘Minus The Virus Day’ but the title that won the most votes was ‘ PANTS DOWN TO THE PLAGUE DAY ‘ Particularly as June the 21st falls on or around Father ‘s Day . No coincidence eh ?

To pre-empt the expected demand on their product, a well- known manufacturer of contraceptives have ceased the Covid emergency production of tank tracks , HGV tyres , and washing up gloves , and resumed their previous best selling product . The British government alone have ordered 50 million units and expect to have covered the entire adult population by mid May . …

Oh sorry … that’s the Vaccine….. –

June 21st will see :- the re-opening of Hostelries , restaurants bars and cafes. Instead of sitting outside in the howling gale that pervades Stratford , this summer , we will be able retire to the snug homely steaming fug of a bar on a boiling hot day, so beloved by the British .

Holidays will be back. Shares prices in ear-plugs are about to rocket, so invest now and stock up, to block out all those yawn- yawn stories of palm trees and sandy beaches. Be British ! – go to Bognor

Restaurants and takeaways will resume trading, so sturdy footwear is advised ( go to www.skidtracksonline; for the best bargains ) to avoid slippage on discarded chips

All you aging hippies out there ( yes – you know who you are) Get yer ‘air cut ! No self –respecting Frances, Francesca, Francine or Fanny , for that matter is going to be open to offers ,if your Barnet looks like the cats latest litter was recently born in it .

Normal is about to become the new normal . Mother –In Law will be free to descend upon you uninvited and un –announced as before, so check out your local Locksmith AND GET YOURS CHANGED! (Locks that is , but both if possible )

So A new Date for your Diary! June 21 st! PANTS DOWN TO THE PLAGUE DAY’ Shake out your threads and dancing shoes !Throw your knickers in the air and get ready to party like never before! All the best attractions will be open ,Bowling Green , River boats , Mini Golf , and the streets will be full of tourists if they’re not occupying my favourite seat in my favourite Bar . ( stand up and be honoured The Vintner ! ) ! A Bonne Jour indeed !

I wonder if Tui have any availability left in the West Indies ?

(privileged information gleaned by Mavis Blotte )

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