Stratford upon Avon man in Guinness book of records for 2nd time

2004 was a year that Henry Cullander will never forget. It was the year he claimed an entry in the world-famous Guinness book of records for having the largest collection of Spats in the world. He remembers it vividly,    ‘I was invited all over the world to talk to fashion people about the possibilityContinue reading Stratford upon Avon man in Guinness book of records for 2nd time

Stratford upon Avon Closes next week for Spring Clean

Stratford Council are appealing for resident’s help as Shakespeare’s town prepares to close down for a week to allow a Wash ‘n Brush Up and general Spring Clean. Councillors have requested that any residents in possession of a vacuum cleaner with a long electric cord or indeed any expensive battery model who would be preparedContinue reading Stratford upon Avon Closes next week for Spring Clean

New businesses for Bell Court

There was good news today for the proprietors of Bell Court, Stratford upon Avon’s central shopping precinct, with the announcement of three new businesses who intend to take up residency as soon as possible. Long-Pigs – Nation-wide restaurant chain. We are Pants – Ladies Underwear Specialists. Hobbits – World famous ‘Clothes for the Shorter Man’.Continue reading New businesses for Bell Court

Powerful Stratford upon Avon earthquake moves woman’s ornaments 3 inches to the left

Ruby Murray (87) of Stratford upon Avon had two major shocks when she awoke on Monday morning. Not only did she sleep through Stratford upon Avon’s first major major earthquake for 50 years (3.1 Richter scale), she also found her complete collection of favourite ornaments had moved 3 inches to the left. ‘I was horrified’Continue reading Powerful Stratford upon Avon earthquake moves woman’s ornaments 3 inches to the left

Clergyman levitates before surprised Congregation

‘I was as surprised as anyone’ says shocked Clergyman Rev George Tinkler. ‘The strange thing was I had no idea anything untoward was happening until I heard gasps from the congregation. I was well into my sermon on the Holy Spirit, in fact unusually for me I had my eyes closed such was the passionContinue reading Clergyman levitates before surprised Congregation

Notorious Stratford upon Avon Gangster released

Notorious Stratford upon Avon gangster Sidney ‘Sticky’ Wickett (82) was released from HMP Long Lartin prison today after serving 25 years for ‘severe naughtiness’ and ‘probably murder’. Known for his trademark punishment of glue-ing his enemies’ eyelids into a permanent ‘open position’, and his chilling ‘battle cry’ of ‘nobody sleeps when I’m around’, Wickett wasContinue reading Notorious Stratford upon Avon Gangster released

Banjo player injured in freak accident

Sidney ‘Mr Bojangles’ Rump well known street entertainer and banjo player, a regular outside Shakespeare’s Birthplace was injured yesterday trying to play the popular banjo piece ‘Duelling Banjos’ , ‘faster than anyone else has ever played it’. Eyewitness to the disaster, American tourist and Pastor, Elvis Oppenheimer III told the Stratfordian… ‘We had just comeContinue reading Banjo player injured in freak accident

Local MP abducted by Aliens?

Members of the Conservative party in Stratford upon Avon are concerned tonight by the apparent disappearance of Local Member of Parliament Latrine Bizarrio. Last seen watching news reports of Boris Johnson’s new Cabinet by Arthur Toady (79) boot boy & general dogsbody at Conservative headquarters in Old Town Stratford upon Avon, members have called anContinue reading Local MP abducted by Aliens?

Sandal find begs question: Did Jesus visit Stratford upon Avon?

The remains of an old sandal fished out of the river Avon by a fisherman having a bad day, has started an argument that could go on and on and on and on…. etc. Disappointed yet, fascinated by the unusual discovery,  fisherman Roderick Cheek used his own money to have the item carbon dated andContinue reading Sandal find begs question: Did Jesus visit Stratford upon Avon?

Fake landlord rents out American Fountain to family of 6

When Roman Dewdrop left for work yesterday morning he was amazed to find two policemen and a removal van parked outside his front door. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been so surprised if he’s realised earlier that it was highly irregular if not illegal for a family of 6 to be living in Stratford’s beloved AmericanContinue reading Fake landlord rents out American Fountain to family of 6

Police alert for ‘Mr Potato Head’ look-a-like

Police in Stratford upon Avon are on the alert for a street robber who bears an uncanny resemblance to children’s much-loved toy, ‘Mr Potato Head’. A Police Spokesman takes up the story… ‘As ridiculous as this may sound, we are on the alert for a man who bears a striking resemblance to Mister Potato Head.Continue reading Police alert for ‘Mr Potato Head’ look-a-like

Annual Mop Fair to go Carbon Neutral

Stratford upon Avon’s Annual Mop Fair has made the much-praised decision to go Green as soon as possible. A spokesperson for the Fairground Group than runs the yearly fair that closes off the streets of Stratford upon Avon told the Stratfordian… ‘We felt the time had come to make some changes in our work-place. Let’sContinue reading Annual Mop Fair to go Carbon Neutral

Masked man foils robbery on Bridge Street

Long-time friends Minnie Ripperton (94) and Alabaster Fontaine (90) were on their way home from a late-night pole dancing class when they were shocked to find their progress interrupted by an armed man. Minnie takes up the story… ‘I remember it so clearly. We were in a good mood and having a little giggle aboutContinue reading Masked man foils robbery on Bridge Street

‘Pebworth Parsnip’ planting party postponed

‘The Pebworth Parsnip, was so called because it was developed in Pebworth in the early 1800’s to give some cheap relief to families who were experiencing a terrible famine at the time. It were a hardy plant, easy to grow with one large root able to support a family of four for a week. WhenContinue reading ‘Pebworth Parsnip’ planting party postponed

Stratford upon Avon’s Tramway walk to be mechanised

The Stratfordian can reveal today  new plans to mechanise the popular Tramway walk. The walk that starts/ends at the Butterfly Farm and starts/ends close to the Waitrose traffic island, runs short of a mile and is considered by some (according to Town Council) as ‘tedious’ and ‘hard work’, has long been designated for an upgradeContinue reading Stratford upon Avon’s Tramway walk to be mechanised

‘Boredonna’ virus strikes again

A member of the audience at the ‘Happy days are here again’ Brexit talk by local MP Nimby Zahawi-Heep, who came over a bit dodgy and collapsed has been confirmed as being the latest victim of the ‘Boredonna’ Virus. A member of the public who wishes to remain anonymous and was at the MP’S talkContinue reading ‘Boredonna’ virus strikes again

Chlorinated chicken runs amok in Town Centre

Sheep Street Stratford upon Avon was in uproar this afternoon when a chlorinated chicken caused havoc by running down the middle of the busy road causing a number of cars to collide and women to faint. Sheep Street (also known as the ‘street of a thousand restaurants’) was in chaos with every eating establishment denyingContinue reading Chlorinated chicken runs amok in Town Centre

Trump to be awarded the Freedom of Stratford upon Avon

The White House greeted the news that President Trump could be awarded the Freedom of Stratford upon Avon with a statement from the President… ‘I’ve known about this great little town for some time now and Mister Shakespeare is a great, great friend of mine. I’m a great fan of his movies and books especiallyContinue reading Trump to be awarded the Freedom of Stratford upon Avon

Stratford upon Avon’s Town Host Scheme ‘infiltrated by outsiders’

Stratford’s Town Host Scheme has long been envied as a Tourist Information Service second to none. The idea of having knowledgeable locals as easily identifiable ‘Town Hosts’ always on hand to direct tourists or any new visitors to Stratford upon Avon’s many historic sites, is an idea many have thought,worth copying. Unfortunately, according to documentsContinue reading Stratford upon Avon’s Town Host Scheme ‘infiltrated by outsiders’

Breaking News: Plan to build wall around Stratford upon Avon

Word has just reached The Stratfordian that rumours ‘to build a wall around Stratford upon Avon’ are not as far-fetched as originally thought. The Stratfordian learnt today that as recently as Monday a special, closed meeting was held at District Council level to discuss finance for the project. The Conservative Chairman of the group, ’KeepContinue reading Breaking News: Plan to build wall around Stratford upon Avon