This report was originally published in ‘The Curmudgeon Times’ Feb 8th 2020
The reason for the complete closure of Vatican City and the hospitalisation of the Head Librarian has finally been given by Head of Publicity Fr Giomenti Frutella.
In a hastily worded statement Fr Frutella gave the answer to why there was a complete lock-down of Vatican City for two days, leading to speculation in the press and other media.
The statement is as follows…
‘We, (the staff of the Vatican Library) and myself were coming to the end of the once-in-a-hundred-years clean-up of the library and we were exhausted. A hundred years of dust and dirt takes an immense amount of hard work to remove.
I was particularly tired and have to confess because of this I was swinging my vacuum hose around in a careless manner when I knocked over a pile of particularly dusty books.
When they fell they revealed another load of books but this time encased in a roughly made book case.
I called over the Head Librarian to apologise and for him to check to see if I had, in my clumsiness caused any damage.
To cut a long story short, he climbed over the fallen books and looked at the book case. This was when he fainted. After we had called an ambulance there proceeded a closer examination of the roughly-hewn book case.
It was then discovered that this was a book case made by Jesus Himself.
It has since been carbon dated and our suspicions ratified.
It was the correct time line.
It was genuine…
and it was signed ‘J of N’.
Since original report a deeper examination of the Holy Bookcase was called for. The new examination has discovered further marks cut deep into the wood revealing the mark ‘1 of
12 11′. Which suggests that Jesus probably gave a bookcase each to the disciples excepting Judas Iscariot.