The Stratfordian

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‘The Angry Cabbage’. A Vegetable Research revelation

Peter the Cabbage

      Peter the Cabbage

Reader discretion advised

Because of the end of 30 year ban under the Official Secrets Act, The Warwick Crop Centre once known as The Vegetable Research Station (Stratford upon Avon) has at last been able to reveal some of its best kept secrets.

Professor Brian Brain who retired from his post of Head of Research at the Centre in 1980 is relieved that at last he can talk freely. And what he has to say, will no doubt be shocking to some.

Take, for instance his revelation of what he now refers to as ‘The Angry Cabbage’ experiment.

‘To cut a long story short, one of the most terrify and disturbing episodes at the research centre was the work and experimentation done on an ordinary field cabbage EXP 31 or as he became known to the staff, Peter.
We, to our great shame were (and I still can’t reveal how) were able to give this common cabbage, feelings. Emotions not unlike but not fully that of a human being. I am probably the only person to have witnessed a cabbage cry.
Thankfully the experiment was so disturbing to all those that took part that it was only allowed to continue for two weeks, during which time our subject, Peter, came to show a wide range of human-like emotions. I believe sincerely that in the early days we were on the verge of what witnessing what might pass for a laugh.
As much as this would have been astounding for all those involved, it was becoming obvious that Peter was not happy. It would be difficult for me to say he was actually in pain but there is no doubt in my mind that he was at the very least confused and perhaps a little frightened. It became most upsetting so, I have to say we were all relieved when the experiment was bought to a halt’.

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