15% of Swans on River Avon are Fake says Report

By | 12th December 2019
bottom feeder

REAL or FAKE

A report released yesterday by the SAB (The Swan Authentication Board) says that ‘at the very least 15% of the swans currently floating about on the River Avon’s Stratford section are ‘without doubt, fakes’.
Jason Feather, Chairman of the SAB told the Stratfordian that,

‘…we were as amazed as anyone to discover that a number of these so-called swans were crudely constructed fakes. In some cases, cheap beach balls with white goose feathers badly applied with glue. On other occasions we found painted ducks and the kind of blow-up swans usually reserved for swimming pools and the like. Needless to say, we are shocked and horrified as to why anyone would stoop so low as to attempt to fool the public and especially their children’.

Mr Feather went on to say…

‘…what probably astounded us more than anything is the fact that our employees who were engaged in the count, actually witnessed tourists (mainly American) attempting to feed these horrific floating creations. We would ask members of the public, especially Stratfordians who presumably know their swans, to stay alert and report anything suspicious to the SAB as soon as possible’.

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